humor

How to Properly Sing in the Shower

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Your shower is so much more than a place to privately bathe. It’s a safe haven where your song can burst forth, a stage where your musical dreams come true, a magical nook where your vocal chords set new limits. Connect to your inner Ariel and sing dripping wet, as if you’ve just emerged from the sea with a song you must share! But don’t forget these important tips:

Check to see if anyone else is home: Rookies skip this step. Or people who couldn’t care less about what others think of them, in which case I applaud this behavior. But, if you’re not willing to have a recorded version of your shower concert leaked online, sweep the area first to confirm that the coast is clear.

Start the music while stripping: I mean, it only makes sense, right? You have to warm up your vocal chords and shimmying game. May as well do so while shaking off those clothes.

Crank it: A phone’s volume just won’t cut it. Get some speakers that blast dat bass and turn the decibels up! You shouldn’t be able to hear the water hitting the floor over the background music during your shower serenade. To anyone living in an apartment, if no one’s submitted a noise complaint then they must love your angelic voice, right?!

Use props other than soap: Only newbies use soap as a shower mic. Get on my level. Go buy one of those loofas on a stick in your favorite color (see photo). I guarantee it will elevate your performance.

Also, in case you didn’t notice, bar soap is slippery. You don’t want your faux microphone propelling into those pearly whites, leaving soap residue in your mouth. Not that I would *ahem* know from experience or anything, *cough, cough*.

Only dance with a shower mat: You know what else gets slippery in the shower? The floor. Therefore, dancing is a no-go without a grippy shower mat. Again, not that I would know from experience…

No one in their right mind appreciates their bare bum smacking against a wet shower floor. And, let’s be honest, there’s no recovery from a loud slip and thud in the bathroom. Safety first, kids!

What happens in the shower stays in the shower: No one but your rubber duckie is present to judge you and who cares about that guy anyway? Belt out high notes with no reservations! Forget about pitch, dictation and voice quality. Set free the musical number that’s been whelming up inside you. And just keep singing through those surprising voice cracks and off-key notes. After all, if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Also, your song ends with your shower. The second you walk out of the bathroom, your voice will change. This is fact. See, the drops falling from the shower head pick up and resonate sound better than open air, plus bathroom acoustics are starkly different from acoustics in any other room to ever exist. It’s true. Scientists are still trying to figure out why. This guy on Vine had to find out the hard way.


Armed with these shower-changing tips, go forth little mer-people! Burst out a tune that tests your vibrato. And let me know how much better your shower is after.

17 thoughts on “How to Properly Sing in the Shower”

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